This kinda continues from the last personal post.
School started last Monday. I am so happy cause that means I don’t see/hear my family argue, and school is one of the few places where I don’t feel so left out. I feel that’s where I belong. I like the constant learning, having fun, and enjoying myself. I never really have the feeling that I am disappointing someone like I do when I get home. I always feel like I never do enough for my dad. He either barks at me or makes me feel like all I need to do is work. Guess what, Dad! Working at Super S isn’t going to get me anywhere! I promise you that! Everything I do besides work is what will get me out of this place!!
I hate when I hear you guys argue. I can hear it and I’m in my room with my music on full blast. It absolutely makes me feel like I never want to be here. I do as much stuff as I do because I am tired of being at home! I work cause you tell me too, and I would much rather be there than at home hearing you argue. That is probably the best thing about goi ng to college! I won’t have to hear you two argue every night. I do OAP because I love it and if I didn’t I would still do it because I’m gone every night from 6-9! How could I beat that? Wish I had decided to do debate earlier too cause I’m enjoying being gone for so long! I love not being at home!
Sure it is great to be able to call a place home, but this isn’t it. I don’t feel like I belong here. I feel like I was just placed and am trying to find somewhere else to go. My personality is a complete 180 from you, him, and my bro. Why? I have no clue. Maybe I would be different had a grown up with y’all but I can’t change the fact that I didn’t. I don’t want to know the person I would be if I had. I know I would be different and I love who I am now even if I don’t fit.
I understand why parents keep things from kids, but I think the kids have the right to know what the parents are thinking. Especially if it effects the kid’s life in a major way. Keeping secrets aren’t always good for families.
In my family there were way too many secrets being kept for the past five or so years. When I was told about them I understood to an extent why I was kept out but never fully. When my grandpa left my grandma, i didn’t find out for weeks after he left. Grandma and mom said it was cause of business, but I knew something was wrong. I could have crompehended why that happened. I had been there for a lot of their fights. And would have understood as soon as it happened. Why wasn’t I told earlier? Cause they decided it was best for me. They didn’t know that I would be questioning why they didn’t tell me and examining everything they told me.
That’s just one example… There are more but I don’t want to put any more.
If something big is happening that is gonna effect my life in a major way then please let me know! That’s all I want. I can just be told the basics I don’t even need the major details.